I'm in desperate need to write since the last three days but the chaos of thoughts is obstructing my intentions and compelling me to abandon each effort the moment I make it.
The necessity and the rush of feelings that something will go wrong if I don't write soon has finally made me sit here and beat the keys and spill out my mind, deserting the fear of what this might turn into eventually.
I sit in one place these days, wherever I am, and have turned into this person who is at the recieving end of everything taking place around me.
If what happens, is good for me, it shows, and if it is not, then that makes me plunge into the depths of depression which I force myself to come out of at any cost so that I don't end up paying a price for it with my life.
There is a book lying written but just never gets completed because everyday something in me changes, which completely alters my perception in a way that an integral part of my story needs to be rewritten.
What I felt sorry for yesterday, makes me unforgiving today and what I detested day before yesterday will definitely make me compassionate tomorrow, and now it is so predictable that these characters I am living with for the last two years have started dancing in my head and creating a din to a point where I want to kill some one day, and resusicate them back to life on another.
And I think all this is happening because I have become a victim to opinion.
I feel trapped and confined in the thoughts of other well marketed and well spun individuals who have become these permanent characters growing older under my eyes in the soap operas that run endlessly on the electronic media, print media and now when I turn to twitter and facebook and other social media as well.
It is the same people making a different noise everyday.
This is no music to the ears.
This is cacophony worse than the craziest and busiest street bustling in the smallest village which has become the part of a large metro in India now.
When the stories are told in flashback, the same characters who used to dance in black and white in front of my eyes when I was growing up, now jive in color on every screen and every surface around me.
And now it makes me realize why our fiction is so bizzarre.
Why our narratives, so contrived and formulaic.
What can a whole race, an entire country and its people create and recreate when their own reality is so insane?
So crazy!!!
On the one hand there is days and valuable prime time spent discussing the Gandhi - Bachchan story which has slowly become a national issue as it takes epic proportions while developing into the Congress - BJP saga.
The original story when told through its past in flashback is about two friendly neighbors in Allahabad. One was a poet and the other a freedom fighter who went on to become the Prime Minister of Independent India finally, and whose progeny today go on as the first family of Politics.
The poets son grew up to be the most revered entertainer India has ever seen.
The very next day, what was most irking the ruling party led by the inheritors of the freedom fighter who later went on to become the Prime Minister of the nation, the fact that the poets son has decided to become the brand ambassador of Gujarat, the state which gave birth to the father of the nation, which is now ruled by the opposition at the center represented by a man who spelt disaster eight years ago when abetting a communal carnage to create a right wing presence and who is now summoned and being made to explain his motives by the highest court of law in the country, is a forgotten issue.
How convoluted is that? But it is our reality!!!
The same faces, some who slant to the right, some who take position left of center and others who stay postured in the middle, go on to discuss the plight of the poor, rights of those who choose to have live in relationships as opposed to marraige and the grain lying wasted, unused and rotting in South India.
A couple of weeks ago, it was in Panjab, which is at the extreme North, where harvested grain in millions of tons was left to rot while scores went hungry and the Ministry of Health battled malnutrition and other disease caused by hunger.
All this while the mother of all sport, Cricket, runs into its third edition of the IPL, which actually is consuming the viewer, the one desperate for a doze of the drug, so he can sleep dreaming boundaries and sixers before waking up to another gruelling day the next, where nobody is really going to care for the condition he has to live in and the problems he has to deal with while wading through the filth and grime of another day of his life.
How twisted is that?!!! But this is our truth!!!
Its not a joke that the very guys spinning the yarn and keeping the myth alive through their media lead a miserable life of the poor consumer and require a doze of the Cricketococaine themselves too.
I'm telling you, this is not all!!!
The family of the freedom fighter who went on the become the Prime Minister of the country one day, which lives on to be in control of the ruling party, the Congress, has kept the wheels turning with yet another ace up its sleeve which could well occupy the media space for the next few days to douse the criticism it has had to face for having made it impossible for two of its most popular Chief Ministers to share two dias, one in Maharashtra for the World Poetry Day, and the other in New Delhi for the World Earth Day, with the son and the grandson of the Poet respectively because they are angry that The Great Entertainer accepted the offer to be the brand ambassador of the state which is ruled by opposition and represented by a man who is responsible for the carnage eight years ago, which gave momentum to right wing activism and has ensured the victory of the unfavoured party election after by election since then.
Now if that isn't mind altering, what is?!!!
And the ace up their sleeve is the annoucement of the Right to Education act, the bill which has finally been passed in the Parliament which makes it a fundamental right for each child in the country to get education. This is a big one!
A truth which should have been the reality of every child since the day we got freedom 63 years ago.
So there is no debate or discussion on this.
There cannot be!
But yet they are going blah, blah, blah...
The same characters, the same faces, some slanting right, some turning left and some middle and argueing and discussing something which is done.
Is this some time pass or what?!!!
The poor are a constituency and there is no way that they can be left out and ignored anymore.
Information and Communication is their right, as much as anybody's elses and Education is a must.
Some silly school principals sit wasting prime time yet again as they take elitist positions, particularly one silly bespectacled lady from the BILLABONG high school in Mumbai, neither left, or right, nor center, asking Arnab Goswami of Times Now where the money will come from for them to reserve 25% seats in their institutions as though he has the answer.
I want to tell her, shut up bitch.
Fuck off and go to hell!!!
Shut your damn institution if your business plan falls apart because it is because of the likes of you who have made education a business, that India isn't where it should have been today.
Thank heavens that what should have been done 63 years ago, has been done now.
Education is not for a priveleged few and if Shahrukh Khans children don't invite poorer children in their class for their birthday parties, then there is a price they will have to pay for it one day and it is not the poor children who will suffer psycological damage but on the contrary, those of the elite.
There is too much on your plate you whore.
For starters, worry about how you will shake hands with a student who comes first in class but lives in a slum where his father is a man from UP who was beaten up in the riots started by MNS when they decided that only Maharashtrians will be given licenses to drive taxi's and auto rickshaws in Mumbai.
What will you do you slut, when that child is not the son of Saif Ali Khan or Praful Patel?
Now run to the Psychiatrist because you can afford it.


Recusant said…
Phew..sounds like the crazy sounds of my own mind!