Gosh! Its crazy to write when random thoughts zip in your mind like lazor beams and strokes of lightening, disconnecting each link from the other, turning into one huge entertainment like fireworks in the sky, making it impossible to put one straight sentence in place.
If I go to start with how I'm feeling, then the answer is, fucked!
But then, that's how I feel most of the time, unless I'm dancing to a tune and swaying to a music.
I'm always either running out of time, or away from it.
Feeling suspended in mid air is a constant.
Then I allow my thoughts to rule me.
They are like gremlins and ghosts, demons and extra terrestrials landing in UFO's, roaming around in my head which is like another planet, definitely not the earth, at free will, completely out of my control. They appear and dissapear just as easily, while I'm left trying to grab them, only to find nothing in my hands when I open them.
I try to give them names, and when I call out to them, I hear them laugh but can't see them. I fire them and they roar back at me, but I still can't articulate them. And if, they ever decide to revisit me, they come in different shapes and form, confusing me and keeping me wondering if I'm mistaken. Do I really recognize them?
Time, is the monster, which changes the identity of thoughts completely, an ogre which encapsulates their passings in past tense, making them absolutely irrelevant to now.
I try to keep up with time, but it is elusive and when I attempt to battle it, it leaves me lost and wounded. If I try to get one with it, it ensures I realize its seperation from me.
Because time for me, is like my lovers, each one of whom I've tried should become one with me, and each one of whom, even when they've attempted the same, have failed just like I always do, except for in those few moments that bring us together as one body and soul.
In those seconds when we forget ourselves and lose ourselves to the short yet divine period of the final pleasure.
The oneness of the mind, the body and soul can be achieved within, but much as I have labored to get there on my own, I know that it only comes about at the time when the gaze of the person I love, is upon me, and it is for his sake that I need to bring it all together for myself.
The purpose eventually, is, the driver of my will, like the attention of an audience is to a performer.
That dance with nature as it pours, and thunders, roars and cries, enlightens and bursts upon me is only possible when the sound and image in my mind synchronizes with the heart of the viewer and takes his soul into an oblivion, away with me, where each one forgets the other, as we lift ourselves into a performance and dance in unity.
Time for me, is that parallel with my life, like the two banks of a river are to each other. We can never meet yet have to run along each other, only knowing what is between us, never really knowing what is at the other side.
The closest we get is when we confluence with other rivers.
And because we trust the waters between us, and know what lies within, we let it be and carry on fearlessly.
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