We touched heights as a production house in the mid and late nineties as amongst the top 10 in the industry through sheer hard work and discovery.
As the industry grew to mammoth proportions, we obviously did not make the right decisions to capitalize on the times and fell apart, attempting time and again to come together and see ourselves through, but failed on the business front miserably.
In better times we had done enough for me to have built a life to make myself secure so that I could set myself to higher pursuits with my creativity and practise experiments as a writer and a film maker.
The last attempt to capitalize on what we had built was a big series for TV in 2006, which, like the rest of our works, went on to make it to the top of the charts, but failed us in the business so badly, that the company was left heavily in debt.
Everything came to a stand still and I had to close operations once and for all and settle all matters, some which were in court and some outside of it.
Under tremendous stress I hypothecated all I had built in the last 20 years, hoping to safeguard it through my work but never realized that I wouldn't be able to produce anything under the pressure of the fear of having to lose it.
It took five years of relentless court proceedings going on against me and my company because I did not have the power of funds to fuel the battle against some of the things which were also completely unfair.
Eventually, I had to cave in and I knew I would have to do that at some point, from start, but I only wanted to fall apart when I was ready to deal with it internally, as all along I knew that, however brave I was, if I were to break at the wrong time, I would be crushed.
Three months ago, after giving fierce opposition to my detractors, I closed most matters with the help of my family which, however painful it was for me, stood up for me and released me from the attack of those who had me nailed, by paying up much more than what was owed to them.
And finally, two months ago I went and handed over the house I had earned for myself and lived in for 15 years to the bank it was hypothecated to, to settle the last matter.
It took me five years to come to this because I was terrified of finding myself without a roof on my head, that too without a job at hand.
And then, when I did it, I lost the roof on my head and I was still without a job, but I was unafraid.
Time had made me fearless and given me the courage to plunge to the unknown one more time in this life time, exactly as it had happened before with me, 20 years ago.
This time I am not as confident, but much wiser.
I wouldn't say it was easy.
I was unafraid, no doubt, but I was sleepless.
For days on end, after having handed over my house to a bank and moving into rental premises, I sat up nights and days wondering how I'm going to get by with the bills each month, which have now escalated because there is a rent added to it.
What I would do if I could not gather enough steam to make myself a home again?